Thursday, November 30, 2006

I miss you, old friend

I miss you, old friend, originally uploaded by gkp.

I still keep this in my desk drawer. Remember when we took this picture in high school? God, it's been so long since things have changed. The world is a very different place than we imagined in that photo. I married, you married, I divorced...I don't think you did. Hell, I'm married again. You might have kids now, like I do, and I don't even know. I miss you. I have for a long time. I always will.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

i hate you, Patty Hurst Shifter. Yet...

rock out 10, originally uploaded by gkp.

i love you.

I love you becase you are the first music that I have listened to since the Kid was born that made me nearly cream my pants. The rock is that hard, yet that catchy. I love you because you make me want to headbang around my bedroom/office with my eyes clenched shut, my lips wide open, and my arms up in the air. I love you because you compel me to get back into music, lest I miss another awesome band like y'all. I love you because you make me remember what it was to rock, hard, and I love it. I love you because you make me realize that I spent the last few years ignoring the music scene while raising a youngun, and while that was time very well-spent, now, I want to be back, with a vengeance.

And I hate you.

I hate you because I fell in love with you after moving to NE BFE, where the nearest club you might play in is a good two hours away, and I pine for you. I hate you because now I wonder what other incredible music I missed in the last four years. I hate you because I can't get you out of my fucking head. But most of all, I hate you, because when your first album came out, my ex-husband taped it for me and gave it to me, stating, "You'l love it. You'll see." And goddamn it, he was right. And I hate you for that.

But mostly, I just love you. Come to Bertie County soon.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

bastard hamster

my favorite escape, originally uploaded by gkp.

I am one of those people who remember their dreams quite frequently. At least 3-4 times a week, I'll wake up in the morning with a vivid recollection of a dream, generally an extremely weird and crazy dream, and think to myself, "Where the fuck did that come from?" I also often relate these dreams to my husband, who either laughs or looks suspiciously uncomfortable, like he might be rethinking that whole getting married thing. What can I say? My unconscious works in mysterious and frightening ways sometimes.

Last night, I had a garden variety bizarre dream. I was living here, in our very small home, with 5 other people, plus my Great Granny, who lives here in real life as well. The 5 other people and I all slept in the 2nd bedroom (this is a 2 bedroom house) in 3 sets of bunk beds. Among my roomies were my real life best friend and LL Cool J. During my dream, I walk into the bedroom to find LL engrossed in self-pleasure, and he isn't the least bit embarrassed to see me. It's good for you, he explains, as he continues on, unplussed by my presence. Then my GG walks in, sees the scene, and turns on her heel and walks out without a word.

The scene changes to the backyard, where the vegetable and flower garden that I plan on planting next year was in full bloom (in the dream, I thought to myself, wow, and we just planted that garden yesterday), and one of our outbuildings had been cleared out to renovate it into a dormitory. There is a party in full swing, and I remember my best friend is getting remarried. Much to my surprise, my ex-husband is there, through a friend of a friend, and we begin to chat. I need you to do me a favor, he says, it would mean a lot to me. Warily, I agree, and he proceeds to explain that he wants me to officiate at his upcoming wedding. Huh? Before I could ask him how his new wife was going to feel about all this, I woke up.

I would be worried by the weirdness, but all my dreams are similarly strange, if not stranger. I once dreamed I went on a golfing vacation in Scotland with my boss' boss' boss, and after a round of golf, we went to a petting zoo/night club, where a large caterpillar in a striped 'Cat in the Hat' style stovepipe hat attacked me while everyone else laughed. There were also tiny baby monkeys the size of little plastic Army men in small cardboard boxes in that dream. I used to have recurring dreams about having to dispose of strangers' corpses, and by that I mean the corpses of people that other folks had killed and then dumped in my car, or office, or home.

I do wonder sometimes what these dreams mean...LL Cool J whacking off? My ex wanting me to literally marry him to someone else? Strange corpses popping up in my closet? Dr Freud, your thoughts?

Or do they mean anything? Are they just my subconscious taking out the trash, dumping all those extraneous thoughts and associations that wander through my brain during the course of a day? I wish that I could corral all these strange but usually creative thoughts in a more well-formed and organized manner, say, a plot for a novel that I am supposed to be writing in November, which I have barely even started yet, even though it is now November 18? But alas, that is not the way my mind works. It is like a wayfaring hitchiker, stopping off in odd places, only staying still briefly, not making much of an impression on the surroundings, even if it would be interesting were you paying attention.

I find that the best dreams, the one that are the funniest or the most exciting, are the ones I don't remember. I wake up laughing or thrilled, and have only the briefest clue as to why, which then quickly vanishes as I become fully awake. This morning, I woke up knowing that I had just dreamed the most hilarious sentence ever. I saw it in big lights in my dream- it was the whole dream itself- and then I woke up, rolled over, and woke up Jason and told him. I promptly fell back asleep, and when I woke up, I remembered everything about the dream- except the full sentence. All I can recall is that it began with the words 'bastard hamster...' I am disappointed on so many levels. I am not a terribly funny person anyway, not on purpose at least, but I would like to be, and now I feel like my subconscious is probably quite humorous, and I have no idea how to access it. It's like that old Mister Mister song, the one that goes, "you can look at the menu but you just can't eat, you can feel the cushions but you can't take a seat..." Plus, I am dying to understand how you make a sentence that gets even more funny after the phrase 'bastard hamster'.

And of course, Jason doesn't even remember me waking him up.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

election day

election day, originally uploaded by gkp.

This shirt sums up how I feel about the state of American democracy. Now everyone go vote, even if you are voting for you-know-who!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

my kid is cooler than your honor student

sillymommyandnoah, originally uploaded by gkp.

Noah and I were sitting at the computer last night, me uploading photos to Flickr and him attacking the keyboard with his toy crocodile. I popped over to my myspace profile, and of course, my profile song started almost immediately. I have to admit I found this annoying on other people profiles, until I found out I could add drivin n cryin to mine. Sweet!

Anyway, as soon as the song ("Fly Me Courageous") started up, Noah started, well, banging his little head. Then he turned to me and said, "Rock N Roll." Tiny fist pumping ensued.

It was one of my proudest moments as a parent. My Little Dude Rocks!

Saturday, November 04, 2006


last rose, originally uploaded by gkp.

I am so grumpy today. My mind teems with undone work, paid and fun. So many new cases came in on Friday, I've only written 285/50,000 words on my Nano novel, I still haven't organized my photos from 2005 yet and it's almost 2007. What are we going to do about Thanksgiving, much less Xmas, do I have to spend them with my mother, is that pain in Mama's chest really just a muscle strain or is it angina, is that pain in my side really just cramps or is it appendicitis, am I really just stressed out or am I finally going insane?!??!?!?!

I can't just sit back and enjoy a lazy Saturday afternoon. I have to obsess. My mind is chasing its own tail and I can't seem to make it stop.

I need a glass of wine, a hot bath, and a certain French novel I purchased last weeek and have been dying to read. Maybe that would turn this frown into a smile. Or at least an O.


Excuse me, I just realized I have a pressing engagement.

Thursday, November 02, 2006


wineandwords, originally uploaded by gkp.

Time again for Nanowrimo, and that means it's time for wine!

Of course, it is already day two of Nano, and I haven't even started yet. I meant to write yeaterday, but I wasn't feeling inspired. And, there was also the little niggling problem that I am had no fucking idea what I was going to write about.

But then, today, it came to me while I was working- a flash of creative brilliance- why not combine as many of my interests as possible? I like morbid, humorous, sexy things that make you think- so why not a murder mystery involving a wise cracking chief suspect and lots of lustin'? Perfect. This is will be a real change from the previous 3 noevls (okay, 2 attempts and one completed novel) that were mostly light hearted. But hey, death and sex can be funny, too!