Thursday, November 15, 2007

the last time I saw my muse, she was standing on a corner downtown in thigh-high boots

But I think she's gone upscale or something and I can't afford her outcalls anymore.

Seriously, my NaNoWriMo novel idea is pretty interesting, but I just can't seem to make myself sit down and I don't know- write. Half the month is over, and I'm just still about 48k short...now, I've been known to go on writing binges where I throw down 10k in a sitting, so there's still hope, but I still have to actually sit down and and I don't know- write? Put my fingers on the keyboard for some reason other than NaBloPoMo or 365 Days picture fixin'...maybe I really did bite off more than I could chew this month? Oh, and let's not forget about that 5k on December 1...Jesus, what was I thinking?

Here's some journaling I did re: the pleasure of writing a few months ago...it reminds me how much I truly love creative writing and how transcendent I feel when I have a really great session. Not unlike having a great run. Of course, I've missed the last 2 days running, so I have a lot to feel guilty about today...

When I write sometimes, I feel like I'm swimming alone, rhythmically, in the ocean, really half floating, taking in the intoxicating salty smell, the blue-green-gray water, the blue blue sky and the seagulls calling and the children laughing and the waves crashing all together at once, just melting in and over me, and a gentle wave comes and I drift back to where I can put my feet on the sand and slowly pull myself up and walk deliberately back to shore. I feel foggy, like I'd been sleeping and just woken up from a deliciously peaceful nap, and just slightly tired but completely relaxed, like maybe I had an awesome o while I was asleep. I remain disoriented for a while after. I wish I could stay in that state whenever I chose, but alas, there this thing called life and family. But the nice thing is that it's free, whenever you have the free time to pursue it, and it doesn't matter how well you swim or who is watching- it's the way it makes you feel that's important.

That's a reminder to me that no matter how hard it is to sit down and start, it will all be worth it once I finish. It's not so much the end product, but the process. And the follow through. I can still do this- tomorrow I will write 10k and tomorrow I will run 2 miles.(But, tonight, I'm going to finish my beer. Hey, they don't call me Procrastinatrix for nothing.)

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