...and then, the SOB made us all buy funny hats!

Originally posted on my MySpace blog 5/24/07.

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Originally uploaded by gkp

Or, What I Did on My Weekend Vacation to South Carolina

Last weekend, my family went to South Carolina. South Carolina is right next to North Carolina, but it took us six hours to get there. I guess that is because we stopped at Hardee's in Scotland Neck on the way, and they were busy, since apparently everyone in Scotland Neck eats breakfast at Hardee's on Saturday, because Mommy is tired of cooking. Noah went to preschool there in Scotland Neck and he learned that Mommies do all the cooking and Daddies aren't supposed to cook. I guess that is the difference between Scotland Neck and Kelford. And that is also why it took us thirty minutes to get a damn biscuit.

..Once we got on the big highway I-95 in Rocky Mount, we could pick up the speed a little. I think we went about 85 mph the whole way to the South Carolina border, but I'm not really sure. I didn't pay that much attention, because I was too busy driving. Jason took a little nappy while Noah and Mama fought in the back seat. It was really fun.

We finally got to South Carolina, and as soon as we passed the border, everyone got the urge to go to the bathroom. I guess there is something about South Carolina that makes you want to take a piss. We stopped as soon as we could, and everyone got out to pee. I got to take Mama and Noah to the bathroom at the same time. Mama is 96 and Noah is 4. That was really fun.

Then we called Uncle Laurin and Aunt Shirley. "You're still two hours away at best!" they said. We were already late, but that was ok, because our car goes really fast. I didn't notice any speed limit signs on the highway, because I was too busy driving. Then I passed a policeman doing 90 miles an hour. That was not so much fun. But he didn't come after me. So that was nice of him.

We finally got to where we were going. My Uncle Laurin and Aunt Shirley live in the lovely town of Summerville. I think it is historic and folkloric, but I have not seen much of it except their subdivision, which is like a fucking labryinth. We always get lost in their subdivision. That is really fun.

We all had to pee again when we got there. They have one bathroom on the first floor, and Noah and Jason decided to pee there instead of in the backyard, like I suggested. So I had to wait. That was not really fun.

Then we had a nice weekend. I forgot all about the drive. Especially after we all peed, and Aunt Shirley gave us turkey sandwiches and hugs, and Uncle Laurin got up from his nappy and we went to the grocery store and bought four bottles of wine and we came home and drank them. And ate shrimp. That was really, really fun. Except for the part when we had to get Mama up the flight of stairs going to the bedroom she was sleeping in. That part was not so much fun. It was sceeeeery.

And then the next day, we got up and got Mama back down the stairs, which was not quite so scary, and Aunt Shirley stayed home from church and made us french toast. Then she made us pork chops and mashed potatoes and salad and fresh bread and Jason made broccoli and we ate again, except with sweet tea this time. That was really, really fun, too. And we had pecan pie with whipped cream and brownies for dessert, except for Noah, who had bananas with whipped cream since he didn't want pie and brownies. Sometimes I think that there was a mix up at the hospital.

Sometimes I think that I want to run away from home and go live with Aunt Shirley and her pecan pie.

Then we went to the park, where Noah and Sadie and Bonnie, Aunt Shirley and Uncle Laurin's new dog, ran around like carzy. That was also fun.

Then we got on the road back home. That was not fun, because I was really hoping I could stay and move in with Uncle Laurin and Aunt Shirley. Oh well.

But we did get to stop at the South Carolina border again, except this time, we stopped at a place called South of the Border. They call it SOB for short. That is really funny. We saw their colorful billboards on the way. I made us stop to take pictures of the big sombrero, but we ended up eating dinner there and even buying our own sombreros, which explains the funny picture. That was really, really, really fun.

And then we drove a long time and got home at 1 am. We had to take the sleepy dog, the sleepy Noah, and the sleepy Mama out of the car and put them to bed. And then get up for work the next morning. That was really not much fun. I hope we are staying home this weekend.

The End.